In school, you probably studied math, language, science, music, sports, art and other skills that would help you succeed as an adult.
Yet one of THE most important skills that brings happiness, health and purpose is not part of most kids’ curriculum!
I really believe that every child should have the chance to learn the skill of Creative Compassion.
It’s a SKILL because even though we are hard-wired for it, we still need to develop it layer by layer.
Children (and big kids) can say or do the meanest things when they haven’t acquired this skill.
It’s also an act of CREATIVITY because we must be innovative to move beyond judgments, reactions and fears!
It takes artistry to transform an ugly moment into something meaningful and beautiful.
I remember my own compassion forming when a new girl joined my elementary school class and all the kids shunned her.
Feeling empathy for the underdog, I tried to be her friend. Yet I soon discovered that we just didn’t have much chemistry.
Since I couldn’t build a real friendship, I decided to at least be friendly at school and help deflect some of the negativity she was facing.
It was a small gesture and I could have done more but my empathy was still young and seeking direction.
Looking back, I see that every moment of suffering we experience or witness can become a reason to develop ourselves or a reason to go numb.
We each have this choice waiting for us, at every moment of our lives.
Compassion is a spiritual muscle that can lift some of the heaviest burdens we face. But we must train, practice and grow it consciously.
Grab Your Training of the Week:
5 Ways to Gain Creative Compassion
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So How Do Human Beings Learn Compassion?
Modeling
When we witness people acting compassionately, we can learn to model their behaviour. Parents, teachers and other role models can “show” us loving ways to behave and respond to various situations. Compassionate behaviour can become a norm if the majority practice it in society.
The Challenge: Some of us didn’t have many compassionate role models as a child. Another issue is that “modeling” compassionate behaviour does not always lead to true compassion from the heart.
Receiving
When we receive compassion, we can directly experience its benefits. Parents, teachers and friends who were compassionate towards us helped us feel loved, wanted and valued. This feeling helps create a sense of human connection which allows us to be compassionate in return.
The Challenge: Some of us don’t have strong memories of affection, kindness or mercy. Instead, we may have strong memories of cruelty, attack and devaluation so these may block us from fully receiving kindness in the present.
Mirror Neurons
Our brain’s mirror neurons have hard-wired us to be empathetic. When we see someone having an experience (pleasant or unpleasant), our brain relays their experience as a full sensory visualization (kinda like being in Star Trek’s virtual reality holodeck). We literally “place ourselves in their shoes” and feel their pain. As a result, we feel a surge of compassion and are moved to help.
The Challenge: This natural empathy can be blocked by our own pain, learned helplessness, desensitization, beliefs or judgments. Experiencing or seeing too much suffering can cause us to shut down.
Action
When we feel compassion and follow up with direct actions, the compassion grows exponentially.
The Challenge: If we deny our impulse to help, we can feel guilt or shame. Continual lack of action erodes our self-esteem! However, seeing any suffering is so daunting that many people shut down from overwhelm.
Understanding
The more we truly understand ourselves and others, the more compassion we feel. Even unkind actions make more sense once we discover their true cause. Also, our own pain and suffering can develop our empathy. Often, very wounded souls become great healers because of the depth of understanding they’ve acquired.
The Challenge: When we feel threatened, we don’t want to listen or understand. We want to fight, defend, run or hide! It can take a lot of will power and intention to overcome that flight or fight response.
The other main challenge is that we don’t want to understand certain people. We wish to exile those who upset us, trigger us or frighten us. Yet to bring wholeness to humanity, we must learn to understand even those who scare us. We must understand our shadows in order to bring light to everyone.
5 Ways To Gain Creative Compassion
1. Choose your compassionate role models.
- Observe and learn from them in different situations.
- Even when they aren’t present, consider how they would act or react.
- Let them inspire you in thought and action!
2. Allow yourself to receive acts of kindness and affection.
- Say thank you instead of pushing away the gift, the help or the compliment.
- Let yourself feel gratitude instead of guilt.
- Kindness is beautiful so let there be no shame in receiving it!
- Joyfully acknowledge every evidence of humanity’s compassion.
3. Be kind to your mirror neurons.
- Remember that your brain and body experience whatever you are watching.
- Be selective about the sights and sounds you are consuming.
- When you do see violent content, practice compassion for all involved.
4. Heed your heart’s impulses to help.
- Consider what wounds you’ve healed and how you can help those in the same shoes.
- Notice whom you have a soft spot for and find a way to serve them in your lifetime.
- Avoid martyrdom and find a way to serve joyfully each day.
- Don’t get overwhelmed with saving the world – focus on daily acts of kindness.
5. Seek to understand yourself and others.
- Know that humanity is essentially good when not in threat or survival mode.
- Learn to see how wounds and fears are the cause of unkind acts.
- Instead of seeking agreement or approval, help others feel seen and heard with love.
- When triggered, take a break to calm down and return with a desire to understand each other.
In Evelyn Zellerer’s Peace Circle workshop, she quoted neurological research which showed that the simple act of trying to understand someone actually soothes their amygdala!
This is a part of your limbic system responsible for your emotional reactions and your flight or fight response.
In other words, if someone can feel that you are sincerely attempting to understand them, their emotional reactions will calm down and their need to fight, defend or run will decrease!
Photo credit: Arlo Bates via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
Understanding is the Road to Compassion
We are built to live in community, take care of each other and create for each other.
Yet we can all act in harmful ways when we are in survival mode or when we feel a threat to our health, wealth or self-esteem.
Thankfully, you have the ability to make the world a safer and more loving place with the simple act of understanding!
When you understand yourself, your guilt-free compassion helps you set healthy boundaries and communicate your truth more easily.
When you understand others, your creative compassion helps you transform aggression, trauma and conflict into expression, healing and resolution.
To the girl whom I tried to protect but didn’t know how to really help:
I hope you’ve experienced lots of love, kindness and joy since those difficult times in grade school.
You are in my heart and I wish you many blessings in this lifetime…
Daily Invocations for Creative Compassion
Today, I seek to understand myself & others with an open heart.
Today, I will give and receive some kindness.
I will recognize that unkindness comes from unawareness or survival mode.
I will acknowledge the goodness that’s in all of us.
What experiences or practices have helped you gain compassion?
Grab Your Training of the Week:
5 Ways to Gain Creative Compassion
Right-click & choose “save link as” to download!