Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
In my work as a spiritual adviser and confidante, I’ve seen how many people would rather suffer alone than ask for help.
In this article, I’m going to explore WHY we find it hard to ask for help and HOW to overcome that resistance.
Click here to watch the VIDEO version of this article!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Grab Your Training of the Week:
7 Practices in Asking & Receiving
Right-click & choose “save link as” to download!Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
8 Reasons We Don’t Ask For Help:
1) Fear of Judgment
We don’t want to be misunderstood as weak or judged as a failure. And we definitely don’t want to be accused of taking advantage of others!
2) Fear of Attack
We fear that we may be attacked or disadvantaged if our vulnerabilities are revealed. We would rather hide our struggles, even though we may be sinking anyway.
3) Fear of Rejection
We fear that people won’t want to help us. We fear being rejected when we ask for support. We’d rather suffer alone – by choice.
4) Fear of Burdening
We don’t want to burden anyone. We don’t want to inconvenience others so we carry it all by ourselves, even if it crushes us.
5) Fear of Debt
We don’t want to be indebted beyond our means. We fear needing more help than we can ever give back.
6) Connection Complex
We may “know” lots of people but we may NOT know who is appropriate to ask for help from. Even with thousands of digital friends, there may be very few we feel close enough to contact in times of trouble.
7) Giver Complex
We may be used to supporting and giving to others but are not comfortable getting help for our own needs. We either forget ourselves as we’re usually thinking of others or we just don’t like asking as it feels self-serving or wrong.
8) Independence Complex
We may have relied on our independence and strength for so long that it’s part of our self-esteem to do everything on our own. Asking for support feels like a loss of freedom, autonomy or self-reliance.
Clik here to view.
Photo credit: alles banane via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND
How To Get Over The Resistance: 7 Teachings
1. Our healing comes from understanding the Goodness of Humanity AND the Goodness of the Universe.
Humanity AND the universe WANT to give, contribute, help… They are bigger than you give them credit for. Your asking is not offensive, inappropriate or a burden!
2. If people act petty or reluctant to help, it’s because they are in Survival or Protection mode.
They are probably having too much of their own struggles and have little capacity to help anyone else. Try not to take it personally – even if it is your own family, partner or friend! Also be aware that your sensitivity may cause you to misread their signals!
3. Ask those who are in a better state of mind.
People ARE good and generous when not in protection mode. Find those who have energy to give and trust they are out there! One of my favorite ways to ask for help is by posting on Facebook! It’s a small reflection of how the universe works – put your need out there and trust that the right help will come.
4. Recognize that your life is enriched when you open up to others.
You will do and feel more in this lifetime when you know how to receive help.
Musician Amanda Palmer was able to ask her fans to crowdfund her next album, raising over $1.2 million on Kickstarter. On this Ted Talk, she talks about how she eloquently learned the “Art of Asking” in her journey from street performer to punk icon.
“I couchsurf a lot. I also crowdsurf a lot. I maintain couchsurfing and crowdsurfing are basically the same thing. You’re falling into the audience and you’re trusting each other.”
5. Recognize that it’s honorable to give AND to receive.
Both acts are part of the cycle of kindness that generates love, beauty, memories and intimacy.
6. Receiving doesn’t create Indebtedness, it creates Intimacy.
It creates a special bond that comes from the willingness to be vulnerable, receive care and acknowledge people. If you struggle quietly and refuse to ask for help, you miss the opportunity to connect more deeply with your friends and community!
7. The desire to contribute help, solutions and ideas is part of your purpose.
Sharing is happening in every industry! Crowdsourcing, crowdfunding, social networking, freeware and open source reflect new levels of generosity, sharing and collaboration!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Photo credit: cristianbernal.com via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND
7 Practices In Asking & Receiving:
1. Invest in your relationships with authentic presence, care and interest. Share your joy, knowledge, resources and skills! When you have real relationships, it is natural to ask each other for help.
2. Pay attention when someone graciously accepts your help and learn from them. See how wonderful their simple gratitude feels to you.
3. Practice seeing all the goodness and generosity happening around you. We don’t give enough credit to the millions of good acts that are happening every minute. We need to acknowledge this.
4. Trust in YOUR own goodness when asking for help. Know that you are doing this in good faith and would do the same if asked.
5. Practice asking people for help with enthusiasm and appreciation. Say “Thank You” without shame for receiving and without doubt in their generosity. Start with small things if that is easier but expand your asking as you grow your trust in Humanity.
6. Be very gracious even when you are declined. Release expectations, disappointments and judgments if they cannot help as they are likely in a trance, survival or self-protection mode.
7. With a humble and earnest heart, make this invocation:
I want to trust in the Goodness of Humanity.
People ARE kind and generous.
They WANT to help.
By asking, I am learning to trust.
By receiving, I am learning to appreciate more.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
P.S. When have you bravely asked for help and been humbled by the generosity given to you? Please share a story in the comments of this post! I’d love to hear from you…
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Grab Your Training of the Week:
7 Practices in Asking & Receiving
Right-click & choose “save link as” to download!Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.